Day 253.

DAY TWO-HUNDRED & FIFTY THREE

"Well, we have nothing if not belief"

I am one to daydream, imagine, and envision as much as possible. In the beginning of my walk with God, He allowed me to see so many wonderful visions and dreams; such things allowed me to understand God's character in ways that I did/do not deserve. At first, all I could think of was these things I had seen. As time went on, life started to catch up to me. My desire to know God increased all the more, because I felt as if I was loosing touch with Him. Never did He leave me! We remained one; we remain one! It was hard to adjust to every day life without the security of knowing that I would have time to rest and meditate on God's Word for hours throughout the day. Every day, responsibilities covered me. This new schedule was a gift from God, but something that would take time to adjust to. No matter what has come my way, there remains an inward desire that consumes my thoughts & ways, this desire is to know the Lord. The words of Paul, "I want to know Christ, yes- to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death and so somehow obtaining to the resurrection from the dead" (Philippians 3:10&11), enter my mind more than any other words. I hope to know Christ- to really know Him. To live from that position of knowledge of the Holy One! So, my heart has not changed (even when my actions are different than before). God is my desire, my greatest HOPE. For about seven or eight months now, I have been battling with this constant reminder that my thoughts are not as they used to be. Instead of never really thinking about much aside from God, I am concerning myself with responsibilities, work, school and anything else that comes to me on a daily basis. The truth is, I am growing up. My salvation is secure in Jesus, not because of what I do but because of what He did. The enemy, who disguises Himself as light, would love to make me think that I ought to work for my salvation (if you have given yourself over to this lie, I urge you to recognize it as a lie and to just worship God freely from the love that you have for Him. This lie is destructive and will kill the one who feeds off of it. God only requires that we are obedient unto Him. Obedience is a result of love. Love comes from the Father. God is love). Well, on Sunday night God opened my eyes and blessed me with His love. He used "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" to reveal Himself to me! In the third movie of Narnia, three kids enter Narnia when a picture becomes real life and floods their room. The flood takes them to an ocean where Prince Caspian rescues them and brings them up to the boat called The Dawn Treader! Two of the kids are main characters from the previous story, but one of the kids is hesitant and refuses to accept the fact that Narnia is a beautiful place. In the movie, the kids are told that in order to remove the evil around them, they have to remove the evil within them. If they refuse the sin within, they will conquer the evil around them. It is such a beautiful concept. I related so much with the young girl. She thought of her looks and desired to look like her older sister. In the middle of the movie, Lucy was looking in the mirror at herself hoping to look like her sister. Aslan appeared to her and told her of her purpose and worth. I needed to hear that part. At the end of the movie, Aslan tells her that He let her come to Narnia for a little bit, so that she would better understand Him in her own world. He said that she wouldn't be coming back to Narnia, but that He would be watching her in His world. He also said that one day they would be together again. The entire ending spoke to me and allowed me to see what God has done for me. He allowed me to visit with Him in heavenly places that others would not even imagine and blessed me so much in the spiritual in order that I would better understand Him in the natural. Although I may never go back to those places, He is still with me. I am still returning to Him one day. Wow. So I no longer feel as if I return to "my Narnia" instead, I am thankful that He allowed me to experience such a heavenly place. What He has shown me has helped me to better understand Him and to see Him in everyday life.


Know that God is love
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love."- 1 John 4:7&8

Today is a beautiful day. It is a day to celebrate the love of God (but what day is not?) Enjoy today as much as you can!! Enjoy the love of God. If you have never enjoyed His love before, start today! Look around, find Him... I KNOW THAT IF YOU SEEK HIM, YOU WILL FIND HIM!!!

"You will seek me and FIND ME when you seek me with all your heart" Jeremiah 29:13

Day 250.

Day Two Hundred & Fifty
The Lord is full of grace. He is such a good good Father. No one can parent as well as He does, because He is the greatest dad in the whole wide world. This week, He allowed me to ask a friend for forgiveness (at the Disciple Now weekend, actually) and within the week, He allowed us to really connect and encourage each other. To be honest, I needed to forgive her in order that I could be forgiven. The unforgiveness I hosted in my heart was affecting the way I communicated with God. Instead of lifting my sister up, daily, I was failing to pray for her completely. We know from the scripture that failing to pray for others is sin against God (Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you; but I will teach you the good and the right way.- 1 Samuel 12:23) and also, not showing love to a friend is forsaking the fear of the Lord (Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.- Job 6:14). It amazes me that He softened my heart towards her, in order that we would bless one another instead of destroy the other's confidence. By asking for forgiveness, we were both free to tell each other the truth and remind each other of God's love. It is amazing. God's love is amazing. If you are having difficulties with another believer, please tell the Lord first. Ask Him to forgive you. Ask Him to soften your heart. The first opportunity you get, ask that person (or those people) for forgiveness & MEAN IT! Deep in your heart decide to love that person; decide today to only speak blessings over that man/woman of God, love them with the unconditional love of the Father and treat them as if they are made in the image of God (because they are)!!! Are you willing to humble yourself and seek the forgiveness of your Father & your brothers and sisters?

Remember the Scripture:
"Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." -Luke 6:37


It has really been a blessing to think about how much love and concern He has poured out in our relationship. I pray that all are able to forgive one another, in order that you may be forgiven. Ask God to expose the dark spots in your heart. Once you see how human you are, you are able to see how God is the only perfect one! Let Him expose your imperfections with love and take every action to change such sin. This will allow you to see God's love and mercy, which will transform your life in the best way!! God bless you all!! Keep seeking Him. He is with us!! Let not evil rule in your heart, instead cling to righteousness. Amen.


OH & JUST FOR FUN, READ THIS POEM

I wave good-bye when butter flies by Jack Prelutsky
I wave good-bye when butter flies
and cheer a boxing match,
I’ve often watched my pillow fight,
I’ve sewn a cabbage patch,
I like to dance at basket balls
or lead a rubber band,
I’ve marvelled at a spelling bee,
I’ve helped a peanut stand.

It’s possible a pencil points,
but does a lemon drop?
Does coffee break or chocolate kiss,
and will a soda pop?
I share my milk with drinking straws,
my meals with chewing gum,
and should I see my pocket change,
I’ll hear my kettle drum.

It makes me sad when lettuce leaves,
I laugh when dinner rolls,
I wonder if the kitchen sinks
and if a salad bowls,
I’ve listened to a diamond ring,
I’ve waved a football fan,
and if a chimney sweeps the floor,
I’m sure the garbage can.

It makes me laugh every time I read it. Really. I just read it to Ashley Hilbun and cried because I was laughing so hard. Hopefully you all enjoy it as much as I do... or at least more than Ashley did ;)

Day Two Hundred & Forty Seven.

DAY 247.

Mom asked me if I could understand people who speak with really thick accents or who just speak quickly with their words all jumbled up. I can. It is not even something I think about; those people do not frustrate me. They are different than me, yes. I still want to know their heart. My desire is still to help them to the best of my ability & that includes hearing them. Today I was so blessed by a friend of mine from Rwanda.

About two years ago, I had an interview for a scholarship that was available to students with my major (Theology). If one "passed" the interview, they were accepted to receive financial support from the Southern Baptist Association. Accepting the scholarship meant many things. One thing is, you are to serve the Southern Baptist Church for five years after you graduate (or serve the Lord in some form, supporting the Baptist church) and you are to attend seven meetings a semester. These meetings are both International Mission Board and Minister Association meetings. Every time we meet together, the Lord reveals Himself in so many ways. I cannot recall one meeting that did not draw me closer to the Father's heart. Today was no exception. My friend JP shared his life with us, to kick off the IMB meetings.

While some doodled on paper, twisted their pen caps, starred into the air, finished assignments, checked their cell phones for the latest messages or just simply quit trying to hear his story because his accent is so thick & french influenced, this is what they missed:

There was a movie released in 2004 called Hotel Rwanda. There is a big chance you saw it or heard of it. The movie was filled with horrific scenes, chaotic circumstances and terrible endings. To bring awareness to the situation in Rwanda, the movie was very specific with details and excused modesty.

Imagine being in Rwanda is 1994. Really use your imagination now. There are two people groups dominating the land. The minority being Tutsis and the majority being the Hutu people. Power is being passed back and forth between both groups. After the death of a leader, all of the Hutus (majority) decide to kill the Tutsis (minority). The Hutus make EVERY effort to kill every single Tutsi left. The goal is to end the life of every Tutsi in order that Hutus will be the only people left. This is more than imagination. This happened. My friend JP was a Tutsi. He was separated from his mother and father & brothers and sisters. His family split up into three groups. His dad sent JP, one of his brothers and one of his sisters to escape on their own; his mom went off with other siblings and his dad did the same. Before he knew it, he was separated from his family completely. Every where he went, there was someone coming after him to kill him. He hid in the bush, found refuge in local churches, spent nights hiding out in abandoned houses and remained homeless without family. JP watched the Hutu people kill his brother and sister. He managed to escape. After years of running and running from the Hutu people, he was safe to settle down. The orphanages were full; this left him with no where to go. He remained homeless. Eventually orphanages were opened specifically for people like JP and he had a home for a few years. Because of need of space, he was not able to stay past the age of 14. This is when he started a life of his own with another surviver. JP started playing volleyball and went to high school. Schools from the U.S. came to recruit him to be on their team. He ended up in the United States and went to three different schools, learning english for the first time. His goal was to make it to the NBA. Before coming to the United States, he had not played basketball. In order to receive the scholarship he needed, he worked so hard to become an amazing basketball player. This he is! The University of Mobile found him, helped him receive the surgery he needed for his knee and offered him a full-ride. Because of his desire to finish his education, he said yes to this small Baptist "country" school that he had never heard of before. JP said at UM he feels loved by family for the first time since he lost his, blessed to be surrounded by godly people and most of all protected by God. Hallelujah.

JP is an amazing friend that I cherish. His love is always extended to me perfectly from the Father. Since the first time that I met him, he has recognized me as a daughter of the King and always calls out the godly qualities he sees in me. There are not many people like JP. His testimony of God's provision is amazing. He knows the grace of God and lives from that grace. By God's grace and provision, he is still alive.

His story has been on my heart today.

Think about all that God has done for you. Rejoice in the life that has been given to you today! Enjoy life & life abundant!!! Enjoy God.

Thankful for: LIFE.

Day Two Hundred & Forty Six.

DAY 246

It's a beautiful day. I was feeling very sick yesterday, but am feeling MUCH better today!! Hallelujah. It is always nice to fall asleep with a mean headache and a rough sore throat and wake up not feeling any of the previous days pains. So nice!! Praise God for always renewing and refreshing us. God is our healer. Thank you to all who have prayed for me. On the way to school this morning I heard "many people have been praying for you" so thank you :) God is so sweet to allow you all to pray for me, especially in my weakness. Praise Him!!! May He be strong in you today, as He is strong in me now.

My alarm was not loud enough!! Either that, or my dreams were much louder!! So, I got to school an hour after my first class started and missed the entire class. It's okay though. I was so grateful that God gave me the energy to get up and go to school!!! :) Woohoo.

International Relations was good. We talked about World War I. YAY for History tying itself into everything! It really was a good class. Now, I have a five hour break until class tonight... ANCIENT HISTORY!!! So, I need to study a bit about philosophy, myth and fact... that way I'll be prepared!

Today has been a day full of grace, but what day isn't? "Out of the fullness of God's grace we have all received one blessing after another" John 1:16.

In Mobile, it is nice and warm. I went from wearing thick pants and long sleeves to shorts and a thin sweater :) Oh the beauty of Mobile weather. Never makes up it's mind... inconsistency is Mobile weathers theme song :) In case you were wondering.

You know, God is faithful. He is always around, waiting on and desiring us. His love cannot be compared to anything, even though many things can be compared to His love. Because He is love, all things came from Him. Wow. YES! God is LOVE. Love is the center of all things. Amen.

Hopefully you are allowing the Lord to pour His love over you and reveal Himself to you!!! Open your heart to His love, receive Him in full. Amen!!! :)

I love you all. Will write soon... :)

Thankful for: school work, coffee, creamer, water, bacon, Brittany Gardner, Sywanna, and life.

Day Two-Hundred & Forty-Five.

DAY 245.

BLUEY & I

The last time I wrote was nearly a month ago! My apologies.

So much has happened.

To begin, I moved in with the Spinks & have become comfortable and glad to be with them. Mrs Blanche & Mr Jim are so precious and so important to me! I would not trade my time with them for anything. Mrs Blanche is such a fun, funny, sweet reflection of Christ and His love for me. Mr Jim is the sweetest, funniest man I know; he treats me like a daughter and loves me like his own.

I spend Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays in Thomasville.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are Mobile days.
Class lasts from 8-12 & then 6-9 on Tuesdays.
On Thursdays I have class only from 8-12.
Online classes throughout the week.

Most of my days are packed full. Really. When I get the chance to rest, I rest... that is usually around midnight :) Unless I am able to sleep in heaps, I only get about five hours of sleep a night (really). I take serious advantage of my sleep-in days.

There are a lot of options that are flooding my mind for the future. Because of the amount of schoolwork I have been given this semester, and the frustration that comes along with it, I have considered dropping out. It is actually something I consider daily. My mom supports me 100% and actually encourages me to take time away from school. Her decision to support me was something made up when I was born. Mom ALWAYS supports me in my decisions. She trusts that I inquire of the Lord and only do what I hear Him say. It is so helpful to have her on my side. The other day I was working on a few assignments and did not get a break, literally all day. When I was finally finished around 9 pm, she said that the schoolwork was not the problem. Something I said, did, and then she repeated really brought me clarity. When I was doing the schoolwork I started to cry really hard and told her that there were one too many assignments to write. I told her that all of the writing was making me upset. When she left, I sat down and wrote in my journal for an hour. When she got back she asked what I did when she was gone because I looked happier and much better than when she left. She smiled when I told her I had spent time writing and praying to God. It was then that it hit me, I complained and cried because of all the writing school was requiring me to do and then the one thing that helped me was writing to the Lord. She made it very clear when she said, "I told Damien that the writing assignments were not the problem you were facing. You write more than anyone I know. You enjoy writing more than anyone I know. You are the best writer I know; there must be something else to this". Knowing this would make me think, I was refreshed by her comments.

One thing that has also stuck with me is this: Damien asked me to follow my heart. Mom & Damien said, "If you could do anything what would you do?" I said, "I would quit school, move to Australia with Callum, start a ministry there and start over... then live happily ever after". They both said, "then do it". They were 100% serious. They want me to be happy. It is obvious that school is too much for me right now.

There is a big chance that after this semester, I will take a LONG break from school. If you know me at all, you would know that I LOVE school. Reading, writing, and learning brings me so much joy. This just may not be the time for me to finish. I will continue in prayer about this. Please pray as well.

Damien, my brother, laid his hand on my heart and said "Pray and listen"... and that is exactly what I will do. I will pray and listen.

If anyone thinks you know what is best for me and it goes against what I am saying, please just pray for me (unless I ask your advice). Do not force me to follow your opinion for my life. I need support in prayer. Pray that I would follow truth and not emotion. There are MANY people telling me to finish and now just as many telling me to take a break. If you want me to go the way I ought, silence your own voice and ask God to direct me. Thank you.

So many of my days are filled with responsibilities, obligations, opinions of man, and tears. I want all of those to be limited to what God has for me. Too much of a good thing can end up being a bad thing.


Something to know
Ever since I came back from Taiwan, I cannot help but want to leave the country. My heart is glad in America currently, really it is. My friends here are precious to me, my family (both biological and spiritual) means so much to me, and the experiences that come my way are so valuable. Besides the people though, I would be willing to get up and leave everything here today. I know that God has me here right now for a purpose. I know that God has me, specifically, in Thomasville for a purpose. The little bit of service that I am able to do brings me great joy and confirms the call of God on my life.

Lately my desire for kids has grown tremendously. I love the thought of being a mother to children (both that I birth and that are in need of a mother). My trust in God is growing, as I wait patiently for my time to come. His will WILL be done. Amen.


This Past Weekend
This weekend was amazing. Really. It was Disciple Now. This event is huge for Thomasville. To be honest, I think it is the most looked forward to event of the year for this town. No exaggeration necessary. I have lived here for nearly a year (not quite) and have not seen anything greater or more exciting for the people!! Praise God!! Basically we have over 200 students gather together and learn about God under college-age leaders, wonderful worship leaders, and wise men of God. This weekend so many youth came to know Christ, rededicated their lives to the will of God, heard God speak directly to them concerning their future, surrendered their lives to full-time ministry, and learned about His amazing grace. My friend, Taylor Troha, came to lead with me. She shared her testimony on Friday night and really encouraged and blessed our youth. Valerie, Rob's sister, shared her testimony on Saturday. It was so refreshing to hear how God had changed her life. Dr Dale Younce spoke on Friday night. Dr Doug Olsen spoke the rest of the weekend. Everyone heard the truth and I believe THE TRUTH SETS US FREE... so in a way, every one was set free this weekend :) Amen.


What next?
I need to finish my homework. There are three classes I need to prepare for. This entire morning has been filled with homework and as much as I would love to tell you all of the conclusions of my trip to Taiwan, the love that God has given me and many other beneficial things, I must continue to be faithful to what I have given myself over to this semester SCHOOL :)


Soon and very soon, I will write more.

One thing that is really a blessing today is these verses:
"For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace to them that make peace" James 3:16-18


Some quick truth
Although there is so much going on in my little mind, I am comforted with the truth that my mind is "little" and God's mind is much bigger and full of wisdom. My trust in Him has not been shaken. In my weakness, HE IS STRONG! He really is. Every day He reveals Himself and helps me to see that this time of pain and uncertainty is temporary. His love guides me to peace and joy even when I cannot "feel" it or it seems so far away. Each day is full of beauty... and I pray that you all find it. If you are searching, the answer is... BEAUTY IS IN THE FATHER! Look to Him, give Him all of your concerns. He is with you. He knows you and all that you are going through. Amen.

Thankful for: God.