If so, you have clicked on the right link...
Here recently an old friend from Middle School sent me a message & asked "what is this all about? are you training to be a nun?" I started to laugh & then realized... oh wow! There is no explanation anywhere... and once I explained he said "I have never heard of anyone doing that"... which made me realize that people should know what this journey is all about... if I am going to keep writing :)
On June 9th 2011, I dedicated a year to seeking God with a single, undistracted mindset. For the glory & praise of God my Father!
Thursday June 9th, 2011
He is searching much deeper within… He is looking into my heart!
In this world, it is easy to become distracted and fall short of a lifestyle of worship. That’s just the way it is. Because this world is so dark, I must choose light.
Looking at my life, your first thoughts might not be “she is a great sinner”. But, I am. I am a sinner in need of my Savior, all day every day. He is the only way that I ever accomplish anything.
Think about this… really think about it! When you fix your eyes on Jesus Christ, everything else fades away.
Why is that? It is because He is perfect and NOTHING can compare to Him. This being truth, shouldn’t we always have our eyes fixed on Him? If our eyes are fixed on Him and on who He is, we do not fall. That sounds miraculous to me! Really, think about it. If we keep our eyes on Jesus Christ and on what He did, we will not fall. It is because He is perfect and He is worthy of all of our attention. The moment we place worth and praise in something that is not Him, we fall. It is a simple truth; Jesus is what we are looking for. Sin only happens when we choose the world over God. Sin only happens when we choose disobedience to love over obedience to love.
My walk with the LORD started January 2010. From the moment that He called me in and washed my sins away, everything changed. He immediately became my focus and my desire. Around November, He spoke clearly to me about a subject we are all familiar with. I heard Him tell me not to consider a relationship until May. On my own strength, I tried to avoid feelings and desires. Due to a lack of exposure to light, I ended up breaking the one thing He asked me not to do. I disobeyed without even knowing it. Because I did not recognize my fall as disobedience at the time, I never openly admitted to it. It seemed as if God had put all of the pieces together and made a way… almost as if God had changed His mind. The truth is, God never changes His mind. We might, but He does not.
So I entered into a relationship, starting dating a very godly man and a few weeks later was engaged. I thought, this has to be the will of God. To my surprise, it was not. Having to end the relationship really caused doubt and confusion. Disobedience causes doubt and confusion.
It wasn’t until May 1st that I remembered what God had said. That day, I had a very pleasant conversation with a friend about being in a relationship. Everything that was said was beautiful to me. After that day, nothing came of it. But within my heart, I heard God tell me “I said May”. My disobedience was finally exposed. I was ashamed & knew that I had sinned against God. Thankfully, He forgave me. He is faithful to forgive us when we humble ourselves and come to Him. That is just His character.
For a little over a month, I have been an ongoing frustration to the friend that I talked with on May 1st. In my heart, I want to fix EVERYTHING. I want peace with all people. That is just who I am.
God woke me up this morning and said, “Starting today everything will be different”. Although I did not feel His presence, I knew He was right there with me. The first thing I did was got in the shower to get “clean” (this is a big deal, because I never do anything before praying in the morning). This morning was different. I felt like I had to be washed clean, physically and spiritually. As I was in the shower I started praying for a friend of mine, then it seemed like I needed to stop praying for her. That never happens. So, I stopped and realized that God wanted me to ask for forgiveness. I was broken.
After the shower, I got on my knees. I did not know where to begin, but I knew it wasn’t going to be praying for other folks. Suddenly, I started to remember Jesus and His great love for the Father. My mindset shifted and grace covered my thoughts. Jesus was being lifted higher and higher and before I knew it, nothing else mattered. As tears rolled down my cheeks, all I could do was thank God for His mercy on me.
All I could see was God. He is perfect. Creation is a mystery. God is a mystery.
I want to know Him. My hearts desire is to know everything that I can possibly know about God.
No one else is like God. There will never be anyone who is able to even compare to God. I want to know Him! I want to know more of Him!
Sitting on the floor, I felt impressed upon my heart to make a commitment to my God. So I did. I have committed a year to seeking God with a single, undistracted, mindset. From now until June 9th 2012, I dedicate my time and energy to the seeking of God, my Father. I want to know Him. He is the only one that will ever fully satisfy me.
Everything that I went through with relationships this past year has taken so much from me. My heart is in need of complete and total healing. Healings come in many forms, but this healing must come from obedience and seeking God. I know what He is calling me to do & I will not deny it. My heart is for God. It is my desire to see Him high & lifted up. I want Him to be glorified in all things. In my life, I want Him to be glorified.
Even though successful godly men are pursuing me, I cannot fall into a relationship without receiving healing. If I were to start dating now it would be unfair to him, God and I. God has laid it on my heart to live a life wholeheartedly for Him. To give my all for a year is the least I can do. Knowing that it will bring healing is just a plus.
PLEASE NOTE: My convictions are not your convictions. What I am called to do is not what you are called to do. In no way do I want someone to read this and say that all young women must take a year of being single in order to please God. God will deal with us individually because He is a personal God.
I encourage you all to take a look at your life. Look and see if anything has clouded your mind. Has anything taken your focus from God? Has anything replaced your love for Jesus? I pray that it has not. But, if it has… Ask God for forgiveness & repent. Turn in the complete opposite direction and run towards God as fast as you can. He is near and He wants all of you!
This is my life & I am sharing it to remind you that… I am a sinner. But, I have a Savior who is worthy of my life. My life is no longer mine, but it belongs to Him who died on a cross that I might have a way to the Father.
May nothing break your pure communion with God.
-God, give us undistracted devotion for only You-
I want to know God. I want to be fully identified in Christ. So, for a year I am going to seek Him intentionally without distraction... may God bless you as you follow along with me in my journey :)