Monday, February 6, 2012

Day Two-Hundred & Forty-Five.

DAY 245.


The last time I wrote was nearly a month ago! My apologies.

So much has happened.

To begin, I moved in with the Spinks & have become comfortable and glad to be with them. Mrs Blanche & Mr Jim are so precious and so important to me! I would not trade my time with them for anything. Mrs Blanche is such a fun, funny, sweet reflection of Christ and His love for me. Mr Jim is the sweetest, funniest man I know; he treats me like a daughter and loves me like his own.

I spend Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays in Thomasville.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are Mobile days.
Class lasts from 8-12 & then 6-9 on Tuesdays.
On Thursdays I have class only from 8-12.
Online classes throughout the week.

Most of my days are packed full. Really. When I get the chance to rest, I rest... that is usually around midnight :) Unless I am able to sleep in heaps, I only get about five hours of sleep a night (really). I take serious advantage of my sleep-in days.

There are a lot of options that are flooding my mind for the future. Because of the amount of schoolwork I have been given this semester, and the frustration that comes along with it, I have considered dropping out. It is actually something I consider daily. My mom supports me 100% and actually encourages me to take time away from school. Her decision to support me was something made up when I was born. Mom ALWAYS supports me in my decisions. She trusts that I inquire of the Lord and only do what I hear Him say. It is so helpful to have her on my side. The other day I was working on a few assignments and did not get a break, literally all day. When I was finally finished around 9 pm, she said that the schoolwork was not the problem. Something I said, did, and then she repeated really brought me clarity. When I was doing the schoolwork I started to cry really hard and told her that there were one too many assignments to write. I told her that all of the writing was making me upset. When she left, I sat down and wrote in my journal for an hour. When she got back she asked what I did when she was gone because I looked happier and much better than when she left. She smiled when I told her I had spent time writing and praying to God. It was then that it hit me, I complained and cried because of all the writing school was requiring me to do and then the one thing that helped me was writing to the Lord. She made it very clear when she said, "I told Damien that the writing assignments were not the problem you were facing. You write more than anyone I know. You enjoy writing more than anyone I know. You are the best writer I know; there must be something else to this". Knowing this would make me think, I was refreshed by her comments.

One thing that has also stuck with me is this: Damien asked me to follow my heart. Mom & Damien said, "If you could do anything what would you do?" I said, "I would quit school, move to Australia with Callum, start a ministry there and start over... then live happily ever after". They both said, "then do it". They were 100% serious. They want me to be happy. It is obvious that school is too much for me right now.

There is a big chance that after this semester, I will take a LONG break from school. If you know me at all, you would know that I LOVE school. Reading, writing, and learning brings me so much joy. This just may not be the time for me to finish. I will continue in prayer about this. Please pray as well.

Damien, my brother, laid his hand on my heart and said "Pray and listen"... and that is exactly what I will do. I will pray and listen.

If anyone thinks you know what is best for me and it goes against what I am saying, please just pray for me (unless I ask your advice). Do not force me to follow your opinion for my life. I need support in prayer. Pray that I would follow truth and not emotion. There are MANY people telling me to finish and now just as many telling me to take a break. If you want me to go the way I ought, silence your own voice and ask God to direct me. Thank you.

So many of my days are filled with responsibilities, obligations, opinions of man, and tears. I want all of those to be limited to what God has for me. Too much of a good thing can end up being a bad thing.

Something to know

Ever since I came back from Taiwan, I cannot help but want to leave the country. My heart is glad in America currently, really it is. My friends here are precious to me, my family (both biological and spiritual) means so much to me, and the experiences that come my way are so valuable. Besides the people though, I would be willing to get up and leave everything here today. I know that God has me here right now for a purpose. I know that God has me, specifically, in Thomasville for a purpose. The little bit of service that I am able to do brings me great joy and confirms the call of God on my life.

Lately my desire for kids has grown tremendously. I love the thought of being a mother to children (both that I birth and that are in need of a mother). My trust in God is growing, as I wait patiently for my time to come. His will WILL be done. Amen.

This Past Weekend

This weekend was amazing. Really. It was Disciple Now. This event is huge for Thomasville. To be honest, I think it is the most looked forward to event of the year for this town. No exaggeration necessary. I have lived here for nearly a year (not quite) and have not seen anything greater or more exciting for the people!! Praise God!! Basically we have over 200 students gather together and learn about God under college-age leaders, wonderful worship leaders, and wise men of God. This weekend so many youth came to know Christ, rededicated their lives to the will of God, heard God speak directly to them concerning their future, surrendered their lives to full-time ministry, and learned about His amazing grace. My friend, Taylor Troha, came to lead with me. She shared her testimony on Friday night and really encouraged and blessed our youth. Valerie, Rob's sister, shared her testimony on Saturday. It was so refreshing to hear how God had changed her life. Dr Dale Younce spoke on Friday night. Dr Doug Olsen spoke the rest of the weekend. Everyone heard the truth and I believe THE TRUTH SETS US FREE... so in a way, every one was set free this weekend :) Amen.

What next?

I need to finish my homework. There are three classes I need to prepare for. This entire morning has been filled with homework and as much as I would love to tell you all of the conclusions of my trip to Taiwan, the love that God has given me and many other beneficial things, I must continue to be faithful to what I have given myself over to this semester SCHOOL :)

Soon and very soon, I will write more.

One thing that is really a blessing today is these verses:
"For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace to them that make peace" James 3:16-18

Some quick truth

Although there is so much going on in my little mind, I am comforted with the truth that my mind is "little" and God's mind is much bigger and full of wisdom. My trust in Him has not been shaken. In my weakness, HE IS STRONG! He really is. Every day He reveals Himself and helps me to see that this time of pain and uncertainty is temporary. His love guides me to peace and joy even when I cannot "feel" it or it seems so far away. Each day is full of beauty... and I pray that you all find it. If you are searching, the answer is... BEAUTY IS IN THE FATHER! Look to Him, give Him all of your concerns. He is with you. He knows you and all that you are going through. Amen.

Thankful for: God.

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