Journal entry from: June 28th 2011
I realized today why it is not easy to wake up here. We are an hour early and I am trying to get up around five, which is four my time. That usually isn’t all that easy when you are only getting five hours of sleep anyways. Thankfully, God has prepared me for all things and used me even in my weakness and in my tiredness. God is God.
Today has been the most amazing day! I am grateful for the glory of God. I am thankful that He allows me to see His hand in all things & that He chooses to speak to me and reveal mysteries to me. Many times, all I want to do is just fall on my face before Him and thank Him.
Being at Student Life Camp has been perfect. I believe with all of my heart that this entire trip was God-ordained for me. I am definitely supposed to be here.
After recreation time, Seleina introduced me to Jessica. Jessica is a young woman of God who leads recreation for Student Life. Seleina told Jessica about how I believe in miracles & desire to go to school in Africa. This excited Jessica and so she came to talk with me. To my surprise, Jessica is a student at Bethel. This was refreshing. We were not able to talk, but we were able to bless one another. I was so thankful.
The day went on. We had Bible study, free time (I was able to run around this beautiful city Cleveland, TN), dinner, prayer, and then corporate worship.
At dinner, I ran into Jessica again. She asked me to have breakfast with her on Thursday morning! Hallelujah.
During the service Brother Wes spoke on many significant things. Using the event of Jacob being re-identified and named, Israel, he mentioned that all who fight God will eventually lose. My heart was broken before God. Instead of praying for my friends who had recently fought the Lord, I realized that I had been going against Him unintentionally.
I let go of a big piece of who I am. He identified me as a woman who walked in miracles and believes in signs and wonders, without shame. Because of the opposition of other believers that I looked up to, I let go a little bit of who I had become.
My name means “fragile” and during the service, I realized that I was easily broken. That is not the way it is supposed to be. God calls us to a higher standard! He calls us to believe what He teaches us and to stand firm in our beliefs.
As a believer of all things and no particular denomination, I have been challenged the past few months. People unintentionally placed limitations on my faith and gave me a view of an organized religion (leaving out huge characteristics of who God is) and I slipped in and believed that I was “crazy” for believing what I knew to be true. God tried to remind me multiple times that I was not taught by humans and there was no need to go back and try to win their approval. Just like Paul, I was taught under the authority of the Holy Spirit.
For weeks, my prayer has been “there has to be more” and I kept praying it. I even prayed it tonight.
I asked God to forgive me for all of the sins that I had committed and for my lack of faith.
After this, I went to the restroom. As I headed back into the service, I was stopped by Jessica. She asked me if I could go on a walk. Suddenly, I could tell God wanted to speak to me. When we stepped outside, we both began to laugh. We decided it best to hold ourselves together, because there were many people around who did not understand or even approve of the joy we were carrying (not that we need the approval of man, but we did see it necessary to respect the Baptist leaders). The beautiful thing is, Jessica and I HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE TODAY! She does not know me. I do not know her. So, Jessica looks me in the eyes and starts telling me how God hears my cry for “more” and she comforted me with the words “You are not crazy”. She said that my desires are from the Holy Spirit and that God is answering al that I have been asking of Him. It was encouraging to hear that the Lord has plans to bring me closer to Him and that He HEARS me! He just does.
God spoke to a young woman I had NEVER met before and allowed her to see the prayers that I was praying, so that she could encourage me and remind me that my Papa hears my EVERY cry.
Talking with Jessica allowed me total peace and joy. I could not stop laughing the rest of the night.
Following our walk, Seleina shared her testimony in front of the entire Student Life Camp. It was beautiful. God used her to turn many hearts to Him. He used her testimony as a Compassion child to give others a desire to sponsor a child in need. He used her story to change my heart.
All in all, I have been restored. Completely and totally. God reminded me of who I am tonight. He gave me identity. It is in Him that I am identified from now until forever.
I am so glad to have met Jessica today. It is always refreshing to meet someone who has seen the power of God and is not afraid to admit it. Hearing God speak to me through her was also refreshing. May God’s peace and joy always be with her.
Thankful for: Seleina, Jessica, God using others to speak His Word, Compassion International, peace, joy and comfy beds.
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